Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
