Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize