Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
