Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
