My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
