she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
