Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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