This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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