I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
