You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
