Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
