She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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