Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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