Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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