You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
