I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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