I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Randomize
