I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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