Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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