Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
