You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
