Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
