last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
