dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
