She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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