She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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