Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
