I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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