we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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