Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
