Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
