Non-Jews are for practice
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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