I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
