don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
