Yo dont text me then not text me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
