I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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