"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
