she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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