Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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