Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
