i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
