ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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