you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
