oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You made out with two different species that night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
