$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
