I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
