it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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