My boss' voice literally gives me gas
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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