You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
