You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
