great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
